Because there is no real formula for attaining this type of lifelong love, I can only suggest an adjustment in the way you view others. Instead of perhaps feeling out prospective girls or constantly being on the look out for that next someone, try focusing on valuing people – getting to know others in a real and genuine way, reverting back to the prepubescent version of yourself when sex, looks and carnal needs had no hold over your life. What happens when we enter into a relationship with people we don’t know is that our need for companionship, sex, physical and emotional intimacy pervades and interferes with our senses. We succumb to those needs and wind up in a foreign place with a stranger.
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In essence, the way to achieve this higher order of relationship, you have to give up the search. In fact, stop looking at others as a potential anything. Allow relationships to form, invest in people that you find interesting for who they are, grow in the bonds that you have with people and value those who treat you well, those you can trust and those that interest you. And don’t be surprised if one day, you have a Ron/Hermione moment when you realize that he/she is the most beautiful person you have ever seen and that is exactly who you want to spend your life with. Love someone because you know who they are and let that knowledge of them fuel the flame even more.
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What’s more – I now feel cured of an affliction I never realised I had. If I had to name this affliction, I’d call it –defaultism. Always did I just default to the way of things as it was handed to me. Now I look at every aspect of my life with a hacker’s eye. How can I free myself of this task? – is the question now at the forefront of my mind at all times. There is no need to throw out every interface with which we are presented. If it fits our needs and desires then fine. But how often do you subvert your own desires and needs because of the constraints imposed by the limitations of the interfaces with which you have been bequeathed? … As always we accept the tools on offer without ever questioning whether or not our desires and needs extend beyond it.Many of you can’t imagine this because you’ve never had the experience of having your desires open out in the sort of way I mean. The way the interfaces with which you interact constrain your awareness of those desires, because as far as you are concened – they exist outside the realm of imaginability.
My favourite example of this was when I showed one of my work mates a simple bit of javascript that could be used to extend the functionality of a particular google docs document that we were using. Her reaction was along the lines of:
‘OMG That’s AWESOME – I want to learn to code!”
And she felt this way because she had been given a glimpse of the way possibilities expand when freed from the constraints of the default interface. Her immediate reaction was: ”I WANT THIS”. Hence her desires opened outward in a way that was scarcely conceivable to her before. In this way does learning to code literally change your life. It frees you from the defaultism you likely never even knew you had.
Imagine applying this perspective to the interfaces like Facebook which currently define many of your social relationships. Imagine having the desires to reshape these experiences in a variety of new dimensions. Imagine meeting people with similar desires. Imagine the creativity you could bring to bear in the development and progression of those relationships. The default processes of ‘friendship’ would become positively depressing to you. You’d see your former life as a barren, grey void of routine and habituation.
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Really good article read! Do yourself a favor: click the link in the title and then pick up a programming book! :)
Jhameel - Shadow of a Man
Jhameel takes on the sensitive topic of domestic abuse in this brand new release off of his upcoming album, Are You Free. Direct your attention here for the lyrics along with a free download of the track.
(Source: earmilk.com)
